Come To The Alter: A Story of Love and Surrender

When I first started this blog, I didn’t see much good produced from it. I didn’t see the point. I felt like I was writing and no one was reading. When I first started this blog, I obligated myself to write about topics I thought people would want to read about; instead of being raw, honest and personal.

I avoided talking about my personal life, at all costs, because I wasn’t living a life that reflected what I said I stood for. I was preaching the goodness of God, but I wasn’t experiencing it in my life. I wanted so badly to experience God like I saw with so many others but I just couldn’t. And quite honestly, I didn’t have the desire to because the life I had created for myself was exceptionally appealing on the outside and it was relatively comfortable on the inside. And I had heard rumors about what happens when God gets involved.

I pursued all I wanted in life. I spent my time chasing down a boyfriend, some good friends, a steady income, a fun job, the latest fashion trends, and other idols. My plan was that once I obtained all these things, I’d figure out a way to fit God in between the lines and all would be well.  

Not only was I running towards everything but God; I was clinging to these things because they provided momentary contentment. I wouldn’t allow them to be taken from me because they brought security.  Any other way would require some sort of faith, and that wasn’t something that sat well with me. If God wanted to have a say in my life, then He was going to have to work with the plans I already had underway.

For years and years I did not feel God’s presence in my life.

And I wondered why.

I wondered why He was so distant and I was waiting for the day that He would make this profound entrance in my life. Oh, and of course, without me having to change a thing.

Because this was going to be on my terms.  

As I slowly began (and believe me, it was s l o w) to let go of the things I was so desperately clinging to, I started to experience the Lord for the first time in my life.

All along, in my ignorance and bitterness, He had been calling me to simply come to Him. Simply seek His face.

I was lost in wonder at why nothing in my life was changing. I prayed for months and months for my heart to change. I waited on God to do His thing and until He did, I was going to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And while I was waiting, the Lord was waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

I can’t imagine the aching in His heart as I put Him on the backburner of my life.

I can’t imagine the heartbreak He felt as I chose fleeting things over my eternal God.

For so long I was lost. I couldn’t understand why my prayers weren’t being answered. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting the friends I needed. I couldn’t understand why my relationship wasn’t changing to honor God. I couldn’t understand why my heart wasn’t changing. I couldn’t understand why there wasn’t a clear path for my future.

I can’t imagine the pure joy my God experienced when His daughter finally realized that all along, all her Father wanted to do was love her.

I saw myself in the position of the Prodigal son, who spent many years of self-seeking only to turn up dry. In his dire need, he returned to his father who embraced Him and poured out an unconditional abundance of love over him.

When I finally let loose the chains that were binding me from my Father; I received an ocean of answered prayers.

Seriously an ocean.

It wasn’t like I finally got everything I wanted. In fact, some of the answers I got were exactly the opposite of what I had hoped for.

I began to grasp the truth that this wasn’t a matter of me waiting for God to start loving me and changing me, but it was a matter of allowing myself to fully and completely accept the love that He had been pouring out to me all along.

When I began to embrace His love for me, His own way, I was able to see how much He was already pouring into my life.

The friends I so prominently needed, the friends that I so earnestly prayed for were placed into my life undeniably by the perfect precision and grace of God. These relationships began to grow deeper than any friendships I had that were on my own terms.

The fear I felt of the future…the fact that I was an undergrad senior and didn’t know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, was washed away. It was replaced with confidence that my God would provide and that my God would be with me, longing to see my dreams become reality.

I began to experience the change in heart I had been thirsting for. The Lord came and took my hardened heart, a heart like the seed that fell along the path, and He softened it, and made it into a heart like the good soil. Matthew 13

My prayers to hear the voice of God, were answered when I began to allow Him time to speak instead of me doing all the talking. Go figure.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

I started to see God as a Father. As someone who loves me more than I will ever comprehend. As someone who has been chasing me all these years, longing to give me the desires of my heart. My relationship with my Creator became the absolute most important thing to me and because of that, everything else lost its hold on me.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him.” Philippians 3:7-9

You see, God breathed life into you in your mother’s womb; He made you as His very own child. And then He let you go. He set you free to go about your life in whatever way you desired. You spent your whole life trying to find purpose in it, and all the while, your Creator waits for you to find your identity in Him and run into His loving arms.

All you have to do is run to Him. Run to Him with every struggle, every pain, every heartache, every dream, every plan and allow Him to take the reins, and I promise you, you’ll be in for the ride of a lifetime.

I am a strong believer that when you are seeking the Lord above all else, everything else will fall into place.

 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Matthew 6:33

I let go of the things that I wanted, the things that I thought would satisfy the deepest of my desires.

And it hurt.

A whole lot.

But what I received in exchange far outweighed everything I thought I wanted. 

And all it took was a simple act of humility and surrender.

And I never want to go back.


  1. Heather! This is so amazing and SO encouraging! So glad to have met you and walk beside you in this wonderful journey called life. Keep being real, it’s the purest form of beautiful!

    1. Kyley I love you so dearly! Thank you for walking with me and keeping me grounded :)

  2. I loved reading this! So encouraging and beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Amanda, thank you for the sweet encouragement!

  3. Thank you so much for being vulnerable enough to write this! I can't even begin to express who much it has blessed my life in this season!

    1. Kairah, this warmed my heart + soul!! Thank you for your kind encouragement! I'm so glad that He lead you here to read this and that it was able to speak to you!

  4. Beautifully written. It is such a relief that we can come to God as is and don't have to have everything in order as we desire before we can come to Him. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  5. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this.

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